First Draft

Losing to Gain

Being Different and Knowing It

Physical appearance means so much in society now. What is trending and popular, is what is accepted. Society’s norms and standards are not constant; instead they are ever-changing and evolve into impossible and unattainable goals. I believe this is because of media, and how vastly and quickly the media’s opinions and expectations spread. As a little girl, even at the age or 4 or 5, I knew that I was not “normal” sized and that people would look differently at me because of it.  My environment also added to these types of thoughts. Most of my friends were “normal” sized and most people in my family were smaller as well. Between the people I looked up to that were directly in my life, and my celebrity idols that all had perfect bodies, I was comparing myself to everyone I saw. This all started at such a young age because of how blatantly open media bashes different body types. Back then I thought there was one perfect way to look. I did not take into account that all bodies are different, different ethnicities have different body types and traits, different cultures have different definitions on what the “perfect” body is, and that being different is beautiful.

The Journey

Before I lost weight, my identity was determined by my physical appearance based off society’s standards. It was not as if I was socially isolated, but I knew I was judged and some people did treat me badly due to it. This affected my self-esteem; I had a lack of confidence in my body and myself. It disrupted my daily life because I was always self-conscious in public. It held me back from participating in certain activities and socializing with new people. It also made me have an extremely negative mindset, which came out during high anxiety times and days that I felt down.

I had been the chubby kid my entire life. At school I felt like an outsider because some kids would point it out. At home, I did not feel much better about it either because all of my sisters were really skinny and small. It was hard being the only “fat child” and I always wondered why I was this way and they weren’t. My weight was always something that bothered me and losing weight was the one thing I wished for every single opportunity I got. Throughout high school I began trying to lose it. I tried diets, working out, joining a sports team, etc. I never really had the success I wanted. When I came to college, my outer appearance was still a pressing matter to me; the disappointment I felt every time I looked in the mirror caused me to obsess. But still, no matter how hard I tried, I would slip up and go back to my old ways. It was not until the end of my sophomore year of college that I go an abrupt wake up call, and right away I was determined to change.

At this point, I completely changed the way I was living my life. I began working out everyday for around three hours, cut down my food portion sizes, drank a lot of water, tried to stay busy and distracted, and did not snack as often. It was a huge challenge and extremely different from how I was used to living my life, but I was seeing progress really quickly and growing hopeful.  In the beginning, my goal was based off of appearance; how others would perceive me and treat me. I determined my self worth based off of how much I weighed, and made the assumption others would as well. By the end of the summer, I had lost 70 pounds. I could not wait to walk back onto campus and shock people at my transformation. 

Transformation

I am still battling through my weight loss journey. Although I am not where I want to be, I have lost 95 pounds and am continuing to strive to lose more. This experience has changed my mindset and outlook on life. Along with this, my perception of myself changed. Although sometimes I find myself getting caught up in old habits, I have changed my view on what losing weight means. It isn’t based off number, but off of how you feel about yourself.  This has definitely made me a much more positive person. I am not as hard on myself, and still allow myself to live a normal life. Having a more positive outlook on life has also allowed me to gain more confidence. All of these progressive alterations were noticeable to people around me and also allowed me to feel more comfortable approaching people and opening up to them. I have made many new friends because of it. Having negative influences replaced with new positive people has enhanced my life so much. Starting this journey has completely changed my identity both on the outside and inside. I feel as if I am a completely different person because of it. I am more outgoing, self-confident, am getting a higher self-esteem, more open, active, and willing to try new things. It helped me find myself. Instead of being clouded by self-doubt and loathing my body, I was able to see my potential and this showed me my strength. I was able to accomplish something that no one expected and prove many wrong that had doubted me or commented on my physical appearance in the past. It’s nice to prove others wrong, but it’s even nicer to prove yourself wrong.

Relationships After

My relationship with my friends and family has improved immensely now that I am starting to figure out my true identity. I had never realized how truly unhappy I was until I experienced what happiness feels like. I believe people began socializing with me more because I would actually accept their invitations instead of allowing my anxieties and worries to win, leading me to decline and stay at home. Although I am a very independent person and like my alone time, I have learned to not let small fears of “what ifs” stop me from spending time with my friends or trying something new. Throughout the whole process, my family and close friends were super supportive. Seeing how much they believed in me and all of the help they gave me helped me truly feel loved. I was able to see who was important in my life, which people were there for me completely through my best and worse moments, and helped me to separate out negative individuals who were just bringing me down.  

Happiness

This was such a positive experience and change because it helped me develop a healthier mindset and live a healthier life. These changes were crucial in all around bettering my life. I am a much more positive person and others around me notice it. My success fueled me to make other tough but necessary life changes that in the end led me to an even better path. I realized that although something might be difficult, in the end, it might be the best thing you could have ever done for yourself, such as force yourself to continue to keep running even though your lungs are burning and you just want to give up or breaking up with a longtime boyfriend after continuously keeping the toxic relationship in your life. Once you are able to do this, slowly and without you realizing it, you become happier. Things fall apart so that better things can fall together.

Positive Media Portrayals (tie it to myself, make personal)

Although many different companies are producing negative images for body image, many others are launching campaigns to support healthy body image. Dove and Nike are two examples of many that are apart of this encouraging revolution. They use women in their commercials that are more realistic looking to how majority of women in the world look. They do not shame women who are not sticks, while at the same time celebrating the beauty of women who are naturally really thin as well. They see beauty in all women, just as the world should. Before, I was unable to see this either. Whenever commercials such as Dove’s Real Beauty Campaign would come on, I would always wish that the world truly thought like that. I did not think people actually believed the “real woman” look was beautiful because I had such strict standards and guidelines that I craved to reach. Now that I have a different point of view and a fresh mindset, I look at these advertisements in a whole other light. I now see them for what they truly are; wonderful, true examples of how women should really view themselves. They are educating future generations of women on how to love themselves and that is the most important thing that you can teach someone.

Negative Media Portrayals

Majority of advertisements enforce negative body images, and some do it without even realizing it. The power that society has over one’s mind is unbelievable. From a small age, the way we grow up and the environment we grow up in influence every decision we make and opinions we have. When every commercial, tv show, magazine cover, and movie is displaying a beautiful, skinny woman as their main attraction, no type of diversity is seen. Young girls grow up seeing these images and idealizing these characters only to form unattainable goals. They grow up believing that only one body type is considered accepted and attractive. When they are not able to meet their goals, their self esteem is drastically affected.